Which one wears the pants?
I have found a new way to test a marriage and that is to start a band with your wife. How Paul and Linda McCartney did it for so many years amazes me now.
When starting a band, there are several factors to consider. You would think that finding competent musicians would be high on the list but no, finding a cool band name that nobody else is using is first and foremost. Lucky for our band "Lollapalosers", the Rock Band games make all this much easier to do.
Band name? Check.
Being the outstanding heavy metal guitarist that I was for so many years, there was only one choice of instrument for me and that was lead guitar. Ok, so really that means that in the eighties and ninties I played a whole lot of power chords on a used guitar and an even more used amp while listening to ballads played by a bunch of hair bands.
I won't get into the saxophone and marching band part of my life history unless they add a plastic sax to Rock Band at some point. Of course then they would need to add some Hall and Oates tunes to the game so I could play the solo to "Maneater", and don't even get me started about Spandau Ballet... but I digress.
My wife had been a singer with one of those fancy choirs when she was younger but she decided that she would rather play the drums. I think it was just so she could take out her daily frustrations on those poor pieces of plastic.
Band members? Check.
Thanks to Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, we knew that actually learning how to play was the last thing you had to worry about so we both started out on "Easy". Of course with my lightning fast fingers and the fact that yes; I am just that metal, I quickly made the jump to "Medium".
Me being the proficient musician I am, and her being a complete novice with her chosen instrument, I thought that there still needed to be a way to gauge our progress and a way for me to be able to... I hesitate to say "rub her nose in it", but there you have it. I mean if your relationship can't handle a little trash talking, then what's the point?
Anyway, I told her that with my obvious knowledge of all things metal, I should be able to play at at least one level higher and still be able to beat her score. She agreed and we played a few more songs. Very soon percentages became an issue. She asked if her score of 80% on "Easy" would really be better than my score of 79% on "Medium"?
Only taking into account that those rock gods in the sky would always be in my favor, "Of course it would be." was my reply.
Soon after that, those gods of rock that I have held in such high regard for so many years turned their backs on me.
Not more than a song or two later, her score actually beat mine by a very small margin.
"I WIN!" she exclaimed.
Now my wife is not a sore loser by any stretch, but she really, really, reeeeeeeally enjoys winning. As I stood there looking at her with that big grin on her face I realized that maybe I had been a bit hasty in choosing just how to handicap myself but of course, it was too late now.
I fixed my gaze on her and with a sneer I said, "So that's the way you want to play it eh?", but she just laughed.
"Uh, dude? I think my drummer's asleep."
Well it was time for bed and as I put away our gear, she kept at me. "You got beat by a gir-rrrl!" she said and then she laughed some more.
With a bruised ego, and not knowing what I could possibly have done to anger the rock gods, I realized that I would have to show them that I was worthy of their favor again. But how?
The next night we played again and she actually tried a few songs on medium. She bombed out a couple of times and I had to use the overdrive to save her. I should have left well enough alone, but I couldn't help myself. "Looks like I have to save you yet again." I chortled as she shot me an icy look.
Then I figured out what I needed to do to really put myself back in the lead as well as appease the rock gods. I would start playing the game on "Hard". There had been no precedent set as to playing multiple levels higher so as long as I was able to keep from failing out, I would be back at the top of the food chain.
What I didn't take into account was my wife's competitive streak or the fact that the rock gods themselves may actually be female... because almost overnight she started playing all the songs on "Medium".
(sigh)
So we have kept at it and have since unlocked just about every song. I have a handful of songs that I can play on "Expert" and she can play pretty much everything on "Medium" or "High" and overall I am still hanging on to the lead spot even if its just by a thread.
After playing with her all this time I think I know why she really didn't want to sing. Its because when she is playing drums she can still give me a hard time if I start doing badly on a solo or something. "Uh oh! Looks like you're gonna blow it!" She is relentless.
Once we got Rock Band 2 I though I could take a breather but no, she learned those songs even faster than she did before. How much longer I can remain the band leader is now in question.
So, does anyone know anything about ritual sacrifice, or any kind of chant that I could use to get the rock gods back on my side?
Submitted by user brainp0wa.