A Dark Souls Escapade
Had a nice rage escapade with Dark Souls last night. I'm playing through this new area, having a pretty easy go of it. My wife, as usual, has the giant guide in her lap while I'm playing. Suddenly she's like:
"So... 5000 souls doesn't mean anything to you, right?" I look at my soul counter, and see it's at about 5000.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"If you were to suddenly lose those souls, it wouldn't bother you, right?"
"Why would you ask me that?" I say, killing multiple enemies with ease, quickly adding to my soul counter.
"I just don't want you getting mad"
"Why would I get mad... Oh hell, what's going to happen?"
"Do you really want me to tell you?"
"No. I can handle it." I take a sword to the face. Now I'm missing my blocks because I'm totally distracted. "Why would you ask me something like that?" I miss another block, "Why would you say anything? Now I'm totally distracted."
"I just don't want you upset." she says.
"What is it? Is it a boss or a trap?"
"Well..."
"Is it some kind of instakill trap? Is it a boss that can one-shot me? Is it some sort of instakill-trap-boss?" I heal after I take an arrow to the head. "What the f***? What are you trying to do to me?"
"I want you to find out on your own," she says.
"THEN WHY WOULD YOU SAY ANYTHING!?!?!?!"
"I just want to make sure you don't want to do anything with those souls,"
"What does that even mean? OF COURSE I WANT TO DO SOMETHING WITH THOSE SOULS! THAT'S HOW THE GAME WORKS!"
"Nevermind, forget I said anything," she says as I walk up to a goddamn fog door. Now my soul counter is much higher, and I'm strongly considering going back to the bonfire, leveling up, and resetting the whole area.
"Should i go back to the bonfire?" I ask.
"It's up to you."
"F*** it, I got this. I've got a lightning spear, I hurl fireballs with ease, I can blast massive soul arrows. S***, I can even spit poison. What could go wrong?"
I pass through the fog into a giant room. Before me sits one of the main dudes from the opening title sequence. Boss battle. Like I said, I got this. I stare at him. He stares at me. Nothing happens.
"I'm gonna stab him in the face with lightning!" I take a step forward, and s*** got real.
Schnickity-Gada-Blam! My life bar drops to a sliver. I try to heal, but, Ka-Thwakity-Thwack, I'm dead.
I watch myself fade away, leaving a large smear of 20000 souls on the boss's floor. "That's okay," I say. "I can get back here easy enough, and then it's Chaos f***ing fireball time."
I respawn at a bonfire, in a f***ing jail cell. I have no idea where I'm at. "Am I going to make it back to that room, soon?" I ask her.
"I'd say that's a few hours away."
ffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu