In the spirit of retro arcade games, Asskickers does not have any character progression. Some players may enjoy that aspect of the game for nostalgia’s sake, but I felt that it made the game feel exceedingly repetitive. Some enemies drop weapons which your character can pick up and strike other enemies with, but once you get hit, you immediately drop the weapon. Boxes and vending machines can also be smashed up to reveal food and drink or collectibles. To its credit, Asskickers does have a wide variety of enemies (e.g. jocks, cops with riot shields, and what are perhaps some kind of mix between ninjas and prostitutes) and your character often offers you tips via chat or thought bubbles about his/her head when you reach a new kind of enemy. As you can see, Asskickers does have a lot of the elements of a good beat-’em-up, but for some reason it just isn’t very much fun in practice. Moving around and mashing one button can only be entertaining for so long, even if you have someone doing the same thing right next to you.
The Asskickers also has boss battles. They’re nothing very exciting (e.g. a guy with a bigger health bar than all the other guys you’ve been fighting that goes invincible and calls in normal enemies at every third or so of his health), but they end in what’s probably the most bizarre way you’ve ever seen a beat-’em-up boss battle end: by spanking them. Yes, after defeating the boss, he gets down on his hands and knees, drops his pants, and your character spanks him (yup, spam that attack button again).
Survival mode is very straight-forward: you see how long you can survive waves of enemies. You only get one life and there are limited food and drink items available. Other than that, the gameplay is identical to the story mode.
The Asskickers certainly tries with its edgy graphics, four difficulty levels, and even 30+ achievements. Sadly, however, the game is not very fun to play due to its repetitiveness, lack of exciting features, a couple game-breaking bugs, and a lack of polish. A die-hard beat-’em-up fan looking for something to play on a PC or Mac with local co-op may get a little enjoyment out of it, but it’s difficult to recommend the Asskickers over most other beat-’em-ups out there (unless you really like spanking people in video games - and hey, I don't judge).
Verdict
Co-Op Score
Overall
The Co-Op Experience: Choose from three characters and play with a friend through the campaign.
Co-Optimus game reviews focus on the cooperative experience of a game, our final score graphic represents this experience along with an average score for the game overall. For an explanation of our scores please check our Review Score Explanation Guide.